Anyone who's ever worn high heels can sympathise with me today, I hope, in my sheer horror of walking in ridiculously high shoes on ridiculously icy pavements. One hand outstretched towards the nearest wall, I skated down from the station to Trance, like a newborn fawn who doesnt quite know how to work its legs yet. Comedy 1, Dignity nil. Ladylike behaviour and beautiful costumes are all very well and good but there are days when you wished you'd slung on jeans and Docs.

My manager, Rosie Anderson, didnt sympathise; she laughed. I'd met her halfway down the hill and nearly landed on my arse trying not to crash into her. Apparently I should start packing my glamorous stuff and coming in wearing my comfortable stuff. I didnt like to tell her my comfortable stuff was glamorous and vice versa. Rosie lives in her Doc Marten boots and wouldnt be seen dead in heels.

They call her Whole Lotta Rosie because, well, she's a big girl; boobs, hips, bum, the lot, with 25% extra free. She's also black, has amazing hair, and is massively tall. She must be over 6 feet, which means she's the only woman who makes me feel short.

Trance is the best rock club in the area, short for Trance-L-Vania and run by a guy called Vlad Tippex. (I'm sure that's meant to be a hilarious joke, but he claims it's his real name. Uh-huh. Hey, even my birth certificate doesnt say Magdalena Blue.) Trance was locked up when Rosie and I arrived, but one of the bar staff let us in, and once inside, you could forget about your winter clothes. Vlad keeps it almost stiflingly hot; the better to make you shed your garments, my dear...

He's a real Victorian devil of a man, Vlad; a complete dandy, a walking advertisement for smudged black eyeliner and sharp liquorice-vanilla aftershave. His blue-black hair alone must take him hours to perfect, and that's before you start on the clothes. All of them beautiful, embellished, ostentatious; most of them vintage, and at least one item generally slightly kinky-looking. This weekend is Trance's first birthday, it having been open for a year, and I wonder what Vlad will wear to celebrate. He's likely to pull out all the stops.

Time for an introduction. My name is Magdalena Blue, and I'm a burlesque artist (primarily dancing with some singing thrown in) at the Reynard Theatre, Trance-L-Vania and various other venues. That sounded less like an introduction and more like the beginning of an AA confession, but you get the idea.